My Heart, Soul, & Mind
by Caroline Dorothy
Summary: What Severus does when he finds out his love is dead.


(Note; I wrote this before the Deathly Hallows came out, so I know that the house wasn't actually burned to the ground or anything.)

I walked down the hall towards Dumbledore's office to find out how many students I was to have this year. I always had to figure out early to get the supplies. As I reached his office door, I heard him and McGonagall talking.  
>"How did the child live, Albus?"<br>"His mother gave her life up for him. Love saved him, Minerva."  
>"Love, Albus?" she seemed almost disgusted by that idea.<br>So somebody died to save somebody else… Must've been pretty important or they wouldn't be talking about it so hush-like…  
>"Yes Minerva. Love. This child will come to us in ten years. He will not know of his powers being as the family that we left him with."<br>"Why did we have to leave him with a muggle family? The Weasley family wouldn't have minded taking in one more!"  
>"Minerva, we do not want to pressure our dear friends. And the Dursley's offered."<br>Dursley sounded awfully familiar… I decided that it was rude to eavesdrop, especially when it's only my second year teaching.  
>I knocked softly at the door and they became hush. Minerva answered the door.<br>"Oh Severus… I am so sorry." And she embraced me in a quick hug.  
>"For… What?" I was confused. She hadn't done anything. She never would.<br>"I know that you loved her…" She continued.  
>"But I only love-" and then it clicked. Lillian's sister married to a Dursley. She complained about the wedding to me. "N-no…" This can't be happening.<br>Dumbledore came over and rested his hand on my shoulder. "She had a chance to live, Severus, but she gave it all up for her son."  
>"Wh-Who killed her?" Hoping it was someone that could be sent to Azkaban and never return.<br>"Voldemort."  
>My face fell. No way in hell that he was going to Azkaban.<br>"I don't believe you… She can't be dead."  
>"Check the house, Severus. It's been burned to the ground by him." Minerva said, trying to be as sympathetic as she could.<br>I just nodded and ran to Hogsmeade where I could apparate to her house as I had done so many times before to make sure that she was happy with her life.  
>She always was.<br>I watched her laugh as her son had flown around on his toy broom.  
>I watched her squeal when she found out she was pregnant with him.<br>I watched her cry when she got the news of her father's death.  
>I watched her eat.<br>I watched her read.  
>I watched her do everything…<br>But everything that she did was with him.  
>James Potter.<br>She loved him. She made him happy. She died with him.  
>I stood on the other side of the street, staring at the pile of ashes.<br>I didn't know what to think. I thought that being a teacher I might be able to see her again…  
>And now there's nothing.<br>I walked across the street towards the black, smoldering ashes slowly, not quite sure whether I wanted to see it or not.  
>I began to walk on the ashes, them crunching under my feet. I let a tear fall and as it touched the ash, it made a sizzling noise that let me know that the ashes were hot and fresh. I took a shaky breath and sat in the ashes, not caring about the burns I was to receive. I bent over and begin to dig through the ashes, again not caring about the scars that Madam Pomfrey would later tend to, hoping for something… I momentum… A souvenir… Something.<br>As I kept digging, my fingertips hit something hard and smooth and I pulled it up through the ashes.  
>It was her locket. The one that she always wore since the day I met her. I gripped in the palm in my hand; my fingers surrounded it like a cage. I loosened my grip on the locket and began the struggle of opening it, ashes had gotten inside the crack. After a while, I finally wiggled it open and a piece of paper fell out of it and I picked it up, carefully unfolding the parchment, her curly writing covering the parchment. I was too numb to cry at this point, not fully sinking in that she's gone.<br>I began to read the letter;  
>Dear whoever finds this letter,<br>I have either lost the locket, James opened it against my wishes, or I am dead. If I am dead, I would like whoever finds the locket, to give the locket to Severus Snape with my best wishes. He was the only one who had ever stood by my side the full way. Although I know that he has gone to the death eaters (which saddens me greatly), and he is now against me, I want him to know that he will always be my best friend. I invited him to everything, even after he told me what he was to become. Why? Because the old Severus is in there somewhere, and I wanted him back. But oh well. And also to whoever finds this, keep my son safe.

With Love,  
>Lillian Evans Potter.<p>

I had told her that so she wouldn't want to be friends with me any longer. To drive her away so I wouldn't have an inside shot at her and Voldemort wouldn't make me murder her. It was hard. I had gotten invites to her wedding, to the father's funeral, to visit the baby, to… everything. I never replied to any of them. I ripped up the wedding one in frustration and I still have all the rest. I put the note back in the locket and gripped the locket once again. The only thing that hadn't burned was in my hand.  
>And I wasn't just about to let go either.<br>I stood up, dusting the ashes off my pants and shirt best I could and apparated back to Hogsmeade and strode up to the castle, past Filch who was screaming at me not to go in since I was covered in ashes, past all of the pictures and portraits, straining to see what was going on, past Professor Flitwick, who was attempting conversation with me. I was done.  
>If Lily can't have my love any longer, then nobody could. Absolutely no one. I strode back up to Dumbledore's office, my lips now pursed, to find only Minerva there.<br>"Severus, what's it like there?" she was worried about someone ruining the site.  
>"It's… there." My voice now droned, different than before. Minerva looked a bit taken aback by my new tone. I no longer cared. Nobody loves me, so why should I love anyone?<br>"Severus, are you alright?" she went to put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I backed up and out of her reach.  
>"Fine. Now how many students am I due to have?" She looked at me for a moment, concerned.<br>"We don't know just quite yet" she said matter-in-factly.  
>"Alright. Owl me when you know." And with that I strode to my office with the same posture, but once I was in the classroom, and the door was locked, I cried.<br>She's gone.  
>Gone. Forever.<br>She'll never be fully gone.  
>Her son is alive.<br>But it's his son as well.  
>I finally calmed down and fit the locket into my wand pocket.<br>Where it will forever stay.  
>Lillian was put to rest, no body to be found, three days later.<br>But she forever lives in my heart, soul, and mind.


End file.
